WEBVTT

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Meredith: No one ever imagined
we would make it this far.

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♪ I guess all the mountains that
I moved just weren't enough ♪

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♪ And all those nights
I walked you home ♪

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♪ From crowded bars
when you were drunk ♪

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Incision-less surgeries, 4D imaging,

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-mechanical organs, stem cell therapy...
-[ Tablet chimes ]

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♪ And I just wonder what
it'd take to make you stay ♪

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♪ 'Cause when you said jump,
I said how high ♪

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♪ But when I jumped, you said goodbye ♪

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Every medical innovation
seemed impossible,

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unimaginable until it was achieved.

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[ Cellphone chimes ]

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♪ I would've walked through hell ♪

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And luckily, we haven't
stopped making advancements.

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Your recent COVID test
has come back negative,

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your ABG's improved,

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your RSBI looks promising,

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and oxygen requirements have decreased.

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If you keep this up,

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I may just try weaning you
off the vent later today.

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[ Cellphone chimes ]

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Meredith: Because the other side
of the unimaginable is death.

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And the pain that comes with loss.

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DeLuca: Dr. Altman?

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-[ Gasps ]
-♪ Without you here tonight ♪

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Bailey said you'd need some help

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covering the COVID ICU since --

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-since we lost --
-Yeah, uh-- uh, o-okay.

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Thank you.

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♪ Nothing I can do ♪

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♪ 'Cause you don't wanna try ♪

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Meredith: And that side
never stops coming.

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We need some good news, Meredith.

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Please, just...
we really need some good news.

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♪ I would've walked through hell ♪

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- [ Seagulls crying ]
-♪ To find another way ♪

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-[ Man laughs ]
-♪ I would've laid me down ♪

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It's you again!

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♪ If I knew that you would stay ♪

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♪ I would've crossed the stars ♪

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♪ To keep you in my life ♪

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♪ But now I'm falling hard ♪

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♪ Without you here tonight ♪

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[ Waves crashing, reel clicking ]

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Jackson: [ Yawning ] You going in today?

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Day off.

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Hey, if I say something,
can you not judge me?

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Because we're friends who bang,
not friends who judge.

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[ Sighs ] Mm, I have wrapped my head

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around the concept, yeah.

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I need joy in my life.

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[ Sighing ] Val died, and DeLuca...

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I can't even say it yet.

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And I physically have
no more room left in my body

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for sadness.

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So I am switching specialties to OB

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and all I need from you is encouragement.

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You thought I would judge you for that?

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I literally spend all day
every day at work

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wanting to walk out that door

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just to go off into the woods by
myself hiking for three months

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until there's a vaccine.

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There's not gonna be a vaccine
in three months.

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I'm sorry -- you just said no judging.

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[ Laughing ] I know,
but that's just ridiculous.

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Wait, so, you for real
about switching specialties?

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Yes.

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-Wow.
-Yeah.

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[ Grunts ]

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[ Lamp clattering ]

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What was that?

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In lieu of confetti.

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-[ Whistling ]
-[ Sighs ]

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♪ I walked outside and got
kissed with a gentle breeze ♪

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♪ The sunshine and roses
gave me everything I need ♪

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-♪ I feel alive ♪
-You okay?

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[ Exhales sharply ] No.

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The kids loved Andrew.

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He used to play his guitar for them

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and teach them songs in Italian.

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He brought gelato to every birthday.

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And every half-birthday.

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Which all three of these kids
now think is an actual thing.

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[ Chuckles ]

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I'm just so sorry.

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For all of you.

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Aunt Maggie! It's your turn!

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Okay, Zozo.

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I'll be there. [ Shuddering breath ]

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Know what?

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I think this crowd could benefit
from some new East Coast moves.

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Ndugu moves. What do you say, Zola?

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-Gimme a shot?
-Yeah!

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All right. Make room.

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♪ Lucky today ♪

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Unh!

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[ Whistling ]

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[ Laughs ]

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♪ I'm feeling lucky today ♪

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Hey! Yeah?

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♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

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♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

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Ooh, ooh! Come on!

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And I just wish I had the chance
to thank him for it.

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[ Cellphone beeps ]

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Do you think that was okay?

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It's a video tribute for someone
whose brother got murdered.

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Nothing's "okay."

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But funerals no longer exist, so...

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Do you want me to record yours?

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I'm, um...

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Yeah, just, um...

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No.

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And, uh, later today,
I need you to meet a team...

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[ Knock on door ]

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...from county at the loading dock.

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We're giving them PPE. [ Sighs ]

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They're wearing trash bags over there.

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Mm.

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-[ Receiver clicks ]
-Do we have extra PPE?

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We have more than others. Which is extra.

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-When was the last time you were home?
-[ Knock on door ]

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Hunt! Yeah, Altman. Come in.

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Meredith's stable.

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I'm actually gonna try to
reduce her vent settings today.

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I'm hopeful.

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Hunt, how are we with beds?

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The normal COVID floor
capacity's at 80%, ICU is okay.

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Morale is pretty low with DeLuca...

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It's hit everyone pretty hard.

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Well, I expect DeLuca's autopsy results

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by the end of the day.

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[Teddy] You asked for his results? Why?

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Andrew DeLuca was one of our own.

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Obviously, something went wrong.

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I want to know what that was.

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That's all.

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Bailey, I already told you
every step of what happened.

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Well after I could have done
something to change the outcome.

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[ Cellphone ringing ]

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Shut the door on your way out.

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Yes?

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Yeah.

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-[ Door slams ]
-All right.

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-Woman on PA: Dr. Connor to the ICU.
-Thank you for coming with me.

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I wouldn't miss it.

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I have privileges, right?

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My department, my world.

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Woman on PA: Dr. Gruber to the OR.

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-Helm, what do we got?
-Dr. Gruber to the OR.

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Byron Gibbis, 52, found
passed out on his front porch.

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He's febrile, tachycardic.
I also heard a big murmur.

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Rapid COVID was negative,

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no signs of head trauma,
but I did order a pan scan.

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Let's add a cardiac CT.

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Um, do you work here?

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Dr. Winston Ndugu,

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cardiothoracic surgeon from Tufts.

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He's got Osler's nodes.

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Oh, my God. My God.

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Byron, I'm Dr. Maggie Pierce.
You're at Grey-Sloan Memorial.

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You were found unconscious,
and an ambulance --

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-Get away from me!
-Okay --

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No, I'm serious. Everybody back up, okay?

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I'm not getting COVID.
Where are my clothes?

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Sir, please just --

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Everybody here is sick.

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Oh, God. [ Groans ]

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Maggie: Okay, Byron,
I know that this is a shock

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and I know that you're scared,

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but if we don't get a look at your heart,

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you may not make it home.

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We have all been tested.

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If you need a mask
or if you need a face shield,

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we can get you whatever you need.

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But, please, just stay.

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I was so good.

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I didn't go anywhere.

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Let's get you ready for CT.

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[ Sighs ]

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One minute I'm sad,
'cause I think about his sister

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and his family
and what a great guy he was.

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Next minute, I'm filled with guilt.

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Then I'm filled with rage.

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That a person could-- [sighs]

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do that to another human being.

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I'm scared. Hopeless. Sometimes numb.

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I can always go back to guilt.

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Guilt is my go-to.

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My go-to is numb.

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Wow.

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Did you just describe
exactly what was wrong

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-with our relationship in only five words?
-[ Laughs ]

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I think maybe I just did.

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[ Chuckles ]

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I just... DeLuca. I...

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[ Sighs ]

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I-I just can't get my head around it.

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What is this?

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Looks like whiskey.

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Mm, what was it doing

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on the top shelf behind
the fancy candlesticks?

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What were you doing on the top shelf

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behind the fancy candlesticks?

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Are you drunk?

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It's 9:00 in the morning.

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Plenty of people get drunk
at 9:00 in the morning.

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Yeah, well, not me, Amelia.

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I live at home with four kids.

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-Sometimes late at night...
-[ Trash can lid bangs ]

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...I have a drink in the garage
and I play my guitar.

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We're in a pandemic.

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You drink in the garage?
Do you hear yourself?

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Do you hear yourself?

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Hiding alcohol is an objectively bad sign.

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Or it's a sign that I'm trying
to be respectful of you.

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If you have a problem, you can talk to me.

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I'm, like, literally the best person
in the world you can talk to.

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Do you know stressed out I am?
All the time?

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And now on top of everything,
if it wasn't hard enough,

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now I have to make sure that
I don't accidentally mention

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that their friend Andrew
was stabbed to death

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by somebody who sells children for sex.

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Okay, that is all of us.
That is not just you.

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And not all of us have to drink to cope.

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You don't have to, or you don't get to?

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Because I get to.
Because I'm not an alcoholic.

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I'm not in recovery and --

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Y'know what?

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I can't be here right now.

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-You're leaving?
-Yes.

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Because I don't want to say
something that I might regret.

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Because I love you
and because I'm a good guy.

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But sometimes, Amelia,
you drive me insane.

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And -- And this is one of those times.

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So, yes, I'm leaving.

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And I'm taking this with me.

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Oh, and, uh, just so we're clear...

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I'm coming back.

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Because I'm not a bad guy!

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[ Door opens, slams closed ]

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No pressure, Grey, but we really
need you to pull through this.

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This place can't stand another loss.

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Are we ready?

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I'm gonna lighten her sedation...

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[ Machine beeping ]

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...and then gradually
turn down all of her settings.

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And if she tolerates it,
then we'll move forward

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with spontaneous breathing trials.

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Dr. Altman, I'm more
than able to handle this

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with the respiratory therapist.

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Maybe you should get some rest.

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I know how closely
you worked with Dr. DeLuca.

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Which has nothing to do with
getting Meredith off the vent.

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[ Beep ]

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Come on, Grey.

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Come on, Grey, you can do this.

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[ Waves crashing ]

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You look just like Ellis just now,

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the way you're looking at your feet.

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So serious.

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Then she gets that worried little brow.

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[ Birds calling ]

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This is torture!

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You're right here, and I can't --

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It's torture!

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It's a torture of your own devising.

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-[ Reel clicking ]
-You were always good at that.

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Good at what?

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Torturing yourself.

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I don't do that as much anymore.

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-You never got to meet Ellis.
-[ Scoffs ]

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We didn't even know.

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I wish you got to know her.

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She looks just like you.

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She breaks the rules just like you.

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And she's quick to anger.
And quick to laugh.

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And she's smart and pensive
and stubborn, just like you.

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Hates pink and purple,
loves brown and green,

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and -- and gets enraged at the thought

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of anybody wanting to cut down a tree.

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[ Breathing heavily ]

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Is -- Is this thing clean?

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People say you can't get sick
from surfaces, but you can.

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We thoroughly disinfect the entire room

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in between patients.

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-Sir? Just --
-I need a minute, okay?

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Can I leave my face shield on, please?

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-Sure.
-Oh, God.

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If you'd like, I can stay with you.
I can hold your foot or --

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No, no, no, no. I don't want
anybody touching me.

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Nobody touches me, okay?

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Winston: Osler's nodes, so...endocarditis.

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Yes, but what is the underlying cause?

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He denies intravenous drug use,

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there's no indwelling catheter,
no diabetes --

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He said he hasn't left his house
since lockdown, right?

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May I?

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[ Machinery whirring ]

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-Hey, Byron.
-Yeah?

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Have you had any trouble
with your teeth lately?

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I had a -- a popcorn kernel
stuck in my teeth,

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and I picked it out with a paperclip

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and -- and now my gums are a little sore,

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but I-I'm not going to the dentist.

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I'm not gonna lay there with
my mouth open for 20 minutes

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inhaling somebody's spit droplets.

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-No way.
-Bingo.

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Dental infection, which led
to bacterial endocarditis.

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Aortic valve abscess almost
completely blocking the valves.

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Helm, order some antibiotics
and book an OR.

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I thought of it.

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You just said it first.

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Oh, yeah, I believe you.

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100%.

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[ Footsteps approaching ]

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Catherine: Were you looking for me, dear?

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Yeah, I was. Yeah.

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You know, I built my life,

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my sanity,

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my sobriety...

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around the surrender to a higher power.

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I mean, for me,

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it's the belief that there's some purpose.

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That there's a -- a bigger plan.

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Something that if
I got all the way above it

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and could look down on it

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like, um --

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-like a jigsaw puzzle, okay?
-Mm.

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That somehow it would --
it would make sense.

13:34.458 --> 13:36.834
My faith is rooted in the trust

13:36.917 --> 13:40.959
that there's a -- a meaning and a wisdom

13:42.125 --> 13:45.458
that I'm just not elevated
enough to see or understand.

13:45.959 --> 13:49.291
A faith that whoever made this puzzle,

13:49.834 --> 13:51.417
it makes sense to Him.

13:53.041 --> 13:55.125
-And it's beautiful.
-Mm.

13:57.792 --> 13:59.458
Today, I'm -- I'm struggling.

13:59.542 --> 14:02.250
I'm struggling with my faith.

14:02.917 --> 14:04.750
I'm struggling to trust anything.

14:07.375 --> 14:09.750
And I just cannot...

14:10.125 --> 14:13.709
see any wisdom in this.

14:17.458 --> 14:21.458
I live with stage 4 cancer.

14:21.542 --> 14:24.375
A cancer very few people survive.

14:25.166 --> 14:27.875
I just got the results
from my latest scan,

14:29.125 --> 14:31.000
and...nothing has grown.

14:31.083 --> 14:32.625
[ Sighs ]

14:32.709 --> 14:34.291
It makes no sense.

14:34.375 --> 14:35.875
Everywhere we look,

14:35.959 --> 14:39.083
someone is dying
that was healthy yesterday.

14:39.166 --> 14:42.000
It makes no sense.

14:42.458 --> 14:44.667
"Puzzle" is the right word.

14:46.166 --> 14:48.917
You can look for the pain,

14:49.458 --> 14:52.166
the lost, the unbearable.

14:52.709 --> 14:56.291
Or you can look
for the beauty, the grace...

14:57.375 --> 14:58.542
the miracle.

14:59.667 --> 15:02.166
And nothing grew?

15:03.500 --> 15:05.375
Nothing grew.

15:06.125 --> 15:07.959
[ Breathes sharply ]

15:08.041 --> 15:10.041
[ Chuckles ]

15:10.333 --> 15:13.500
Okay, so, I know that people buy and trade

15:13.583 --> 15:16.333
and get rich
and then just lose everything.

15:16.417 --> 15:19.291
But what exactly is the stock market?

15:19.417 --> 15:21.417
It's a good thing you already
know how to live out of a car.

15:21.500 --> 15:23.250
-Why?
-Well, questions like that

15:23.333 --> 15:24.667
make me think you're
gonna end up back in one.

15:24.750 --> 15:26.041
[ Both chuckle ]

15:26.166 --> 15:28.542
-[ Knock on door ]
-[ Gasps ]

15:28.625 --> 15:31.125
Uh... who is it?

15:32.041 --> 15:33.625
Link: It's Jackson Avery!

15:33.709 --> 15:35.291
I'm here for a quick bang.

15:35.375 --> 15:36.750
-I --
-Jo!

15:36.834 --> 15:37.834
I...

15:43.750 --> 15:45.000
Shut up.

15:45.083 --> 15:46.917
Bad time?

15:47.083 --> 15:49.208
[ Door slides shut ]

15:49.291 --> 15:51.542
Oh, crap.

15:51.625 --> 15:53.542
-Hey.
-Really bad time.

15:53.625 --> 15:55.542
Um, I brought whiskey.

15:55.625 --> 15:58.208
Oh, we're day drinking. Ah!

15:58.291 --> 16:00.000
[ Clears throat ] Sorry, dude.
I didn't realize, uh...

16:00.083 --> 16:01.917
-No, no, it's cool.
-[ Ice cubes clinking ]

16:02.000 --> 16:04.333
Guess you're aware of our...
situation, then.

16:04.417 --> 16:06.375
Yep. Sweet deal.

16:06.458 --> 16:08.041
[ Bottle cap rattling ]

16:08.125 --> 16:09.458
Here.

16:09.542 --> 16:10.959
Oh, no, I'm on, uh, call.

16:11.041 --> 16:12.834
Oh! Dibs.

16:12.917 --> 16:14.792
Okay. Cheers.

16:14.875 --> 16:16.166
Happy...

16:17.583 --> 16:19.000
all-our-friends-are-dying day.

16:20.458 --> 16:21.500
[ Glasses clink ]

16:26.000 --> 16:29.333
I told him we'd move as fast
as was safely possible.

16:29.417 --> 16:32.667
His echo showed
his ejection fraction at 64%,

16:32.750 --> 16:35.166
so hopefully his heart is strong
enough to have a good outcome.

16:35.250 --> 16:37.333
Who cleans his teeth with a paperclip?

16:37.417 --> 16:40.125
Isolation makes people do crazy things.

16:40.750 --> 16:42.375
We're not meant to be alone.

16:42.917 --> 16:45.333
People physically need people.

16:45.417 --> 16:47.291
[ Faucet running ]

16:47.417 --> 16:49.000
[ Faucet shuts off ]

16:49.834 --> 16:52.000
Oh, no, no! Don't --
Don't -- Don't touch me!

16:52.083 --> 16:54.125
Just back away!
Please, everybody, back away.

16:54.208 --> 16:56.583
-I'm sorry. I can't be here!
-Nurse Linda: Dr. Pierce!

16:56.667 --> 16:58.542
I can't do this. I can't!
Get away from me!

16:58.625 --> 16:59.542
Dr. Pierce. Dr. Pierce.

16:59.625 --> 17:01.250
-I can't be here! I can't be here!
-Dr. Pierce! A little help?

17:01.333 --> 17:02.875
-Oh, God.
-I can't! I can't be here.

17:02.959 --> 17:04.959
I can't. I need to get out of here!

17:09.333 --> 17:11.458
Okay, call security.
I'm gonna go to the elevator.

17:11.542 --> 17:13.208
-You go to the OR board.
-I don't know where that is.

17:13.291 --> 17:14.709
-It's --
-Did anyone lose a naked man?

17:14.792 --> 17:16.542
Because he went that way.

17:17.041 --> 17:18.041
Oh.

17:23.458 --> 17:24.625
Winston: Byron?

17:24.709 --> 17:27.333
[ Breathing quickly ]

17:33.625 --> 17:35.208
Hey, Byron.

17:35.917 --> 17:37.667
I'm -- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

17:37.750 --> 17:41.417
I can't do this. I can't be here.
I--

17:41.500 --> 17:44.291
Oh, my God, my masks.
I'm not wearing my masks.

17:44.375 --> 17:46.250
Honey, you're not wearing anything.

17:51.333 --> 17:55.166
My best friend, Rory,
he was healthy as a horse.

17:55.500 --> 17:57.000
Never worked a day job his entire life,

17:57.083 --> 17:58.458
he didn't smoke, he didn't drink,

17:58.542 --> 18:00.041
he -- he ran triathlons.

18:00.125 --> 18:02.667
He got the virus,
he was dead in a week. A week!

18:02.750 --> 18:04.583
Wife and kids didn't
get to say goodbye to him.

18:04.667 --> 18:05.834
Do you know how many people

18:05.917 --> 18:07.583
they're projecting die from this?

18:07.667 --> 18:09.959
-Hundreds of thousands.
-Maggie: I know.

18:10.291 --> 18:12.333
And if you want to walk out of here,

18:12.417 --> 18:14.166
I'm not gonna stop you.

18:14.250 --> 18:15.625
Wait, what?

18:15.709 --> 18:17.333
But I will follow you.

18:17.417 --> 18:19.375
Because your heart's only gonna get worse,

18:19.458 --> 18:20.917
and I owe it to you,

18:21.000 --> 18:22.875
I owe it to my oath,

18:22.959 --> 18:24.125
I owe it...

18:27.709 --> 18:29.375
I lost someone, too, Byron.

18:30.375 --> 18:31.709
Not COVID.

18:33.500 --> 18:35.000
But I know that pain,

18:35.250 --> 18:39.750
and I know how unfair it is
and how enraging it is.

18:40.208 --> 18:41.709
But I think...

18:44.250 --> 18:46.792
I think we owe it to the people we lost

18:46.875 --> 18:48.458
to live the lives that they can't.

18:48.792 --> 18:52.834
Even when it seems hard,
and even when we're afraid.

18:52.917 --> 18:55.542
Byron, you have a problem that we can fix.

18:56.333 --> 18:57.583
We can fix this.

18:57.667 --> 18:59.000
But you have to let us.

18:59.083 --> 19:00.792
[ Crying ] I don't want to die.

19:00.875 --> 19:02.041
I don't want to die.

19:02.125 --> 19:04.166
I don't want you to die, either.

19:16.500 --> 19:17.583
Okay.

19:18.333 --> 19:19.583
Okay.

19:19.667 --> 19:22.166
Let's get you a gown first.

19:22.417 --> 19:25.375
She didn't even know
that she was pregnant.

19:25.458 --> 19:26.709
And then we saved her baby.

19:26.792 --> 19:28.417
And then...

19:28.500 --> 19:29.750
she died.

19:29.834 --> 19:31.792
It's like, during a pandemic,

19:31.875 --> 19:34.917
shouldn't all the other
tragic crap take a break?

19:35.000 --> 19:36.458
You're seriously gonna quit surgery?

19:36.542 --> 19:37.750
I need some good things in my life.

19:37.834 --> 19:39.458
And babies are good.

19:39.583 --> 19:41.250
You realize OB is all about moms, yeah?

19:41.333 --> 19:43.959
Yeah, who are happy
because they're having babies.

19:44.041 --> 19:46.208
Not having my own any time soon --

19:46.291 --> 19:47.375
Fingers crossed.

19:47.500 --> 19:49.125
...or maybe ever,

19:49.208 --> 19:51.000
so I might as well hang out
with some others.

19:51.083 --> 19:52.375
I got like 15 of them at home.
[ Chuckles ]

19:52.458 --> 19:53.667
Hang out with those.

19:53.750 --> 19:55.041
It's so unfair!

19:55.125 --> 19:57.542
You and Amelia didn't even want a baby,

19:57.625 --> 19:59.959
and then you got one
and neither of you died.

20:00.041 --> 20:02.041
Oh, poor you.

20:02.125 --> 20:04.959
You're young and single
and dating a plastic surgeon.

20:05.041 --> 20:06.583
-No, we're not -- not dating.
-It's just sex.

20:06.667 --> 20:08.458
-And you can still work.
-Oh.

20:08.542 --> 20:10.834
Last time my life sucked this bad,

20:10.917 --> 20:13.458
I quit medicine and moved to Venice Beach.

20:13.542 --> 20:15.000
Ah, yes. The bike shop, right?

20:15.083 --> 20:16.333
-Heaven.
-[ Laughter ]

20:16.417 --> 20:18.208
Jackson wants to run away to the woods.

20:18.291 --> 20:19.208
Oh, nice. Can I come?

20:19.291 --> 20:20.667
No, that would defeat the purpose.

20:20.750 --> 20:22.375
What is the purpose?

20:22.458 --> 20:24.458
-You kidding? Escape. Outta here.
-Mm.

20:24.542 --> 20:26.792
Escape from pain and rage
and responsibility.

20:26.875 --> 20:28.417
Escape from humanity.

20:28.500 --> 20:30.041
I mean, trees don't murder people.

20:30.125 --> 20:31.458
-Trees are not racist.
-Mm-hmm.

20:31.542 --> 20:33.333
Trees do not politicize a disease

20:33.417 --> 20:34.625
and convince millions of people

20:34.709 --> 20:36.000
not to protect themselves and others

20:36.083 --> 20:38.333
by using a simple piece of damn
fabric on their faces, so...

20:38.417 --> 20:40.291
Trees don't even have faces.

20:40.375 --> 20:41.709
You know what? Maybe you can come.

20:41.834 --> 20:43.542
[ Laughter ]

20:43.625 --> 20:44.792
Ohh!

20:44.875 --> 20:46.250
[ Glass slams ]

20:49.959 --> 20:52.417
Uh, primary repair of the stomach...

20:52.500 --> 20:54.208
-...diaphragm, splenectomy,
-[ Door closes ]

20:54.291 --> 20:56.375
and repair of ventricular injury --

20:56.458 --> 20:58.083
all intact.

20:59.375 --> 21:01.792
Ultimately died from coagulopathy.

21:01.875 --> 21:04.166
-Like I told you.
-Well, now we have it in writing.

21:04.250 --> 21:06.291
Which will make the M&M go smoothly.

21:06.375 --> 21:08.041
The M&M?

21:08.125 --> 21:10.125
Bailey, what in the hell
are you trying to prove?

21:10.208 --> 21:11.834
It's Andrew DeLuca.

21:11.917 --> 21:14.417
He gave five years of his life
to this hospital.

21:14.500 --> 21:16.041
We own him due diligence.

21:16.125 --> 21:18.834
What about what you owe to your
doctors that are still here?

21:18.917 --> 21:21.792
The ones who've sacrificed
their lives to fight a pandemic,

21:21.875 --> 21:24.583
who hardly sleep or eat or even shower,

21:24.667 --> 21:26.709
who see their families on screens --

21:26.792 --> 21:29.834
Their faces are full of bruises
because of the damn PPE,

21:29.917 --> 21:32.291
and now you want them
to sit in front of a computer

21:32.375 --> 21:33.917
and be grilled on whether they messed up

21:34.000 --> 21:35.792
trying to save one of their own?

21:35.875 --> 21:37.458
Let them grieve, for God's sake!

21:37.542 --> 21:38.583
[ Shouts ]

21:45.750 --> 21:47.166
You are causing me harm.

21:48.458 --> 21:51.875
You are causing harm to Hunt and Altman.

21:53.333 --> 21:56.709
DeLuca was a victim of a horrible crime,

21:56.792 --> 21:59.083
and he lost too much blood.

21:59.166 --> 22:02.750
No mistakes were made,
no stitch was missed.

22:02.834 --> 22:04.750
And the mere suggestion that any of us

22:04.834 --> 22:07.834
didn't do everything possible
to save his life...

22:10.709 --> 22:12.834
...is a pain I wouldn't put on anyone.

22:17.125 --> 22:20.625
[ Door opens, closes ]

22:21.458 --> 22:23.917
[ Waves crashing ]

22:25.875 --> 22:27.917
I want you closer.

22:28.000 --> 22:30.166
Could you please just come here?

22:32.208 --> 22:34.750
Do you remember when
you were trying to teach Zola

22:34.834 --> 22:36.542
how to ride a bike?

22:36.625 --> 22:38.667
She got so frustrated
because she couldn't,

22:38.750 --> 22:41.375
and she threw it down,
and she goes, "Mama, you do it."

22:41.458 --> 22:44.333
And you couldn't stop laughing,
and she got so mad.

22:44.417 --> 22:46.250
Well, I was trying not to laugh.

22:46.417 --> 22:47.917
So am I.

22:49.208 --> 22:50.917
I can't do it for you.

22:52.125 --> 22:53.333
It's your beach.

22:54.875 --> 22:56.667
Zola's amazing, isn't she?

22:56.750 --> 22:58.959
I mean, she's just so brilliant.

23:00.125 --> 23:01.583
She writes me letters in her journal.

23:01.667 --> 23:02.750
Did you know that?

23:07.458 --> 23:09.208
[ Laughs ]

23:09.291 --> 23:11.166
Well, what is that? What is that face?

23:11.250 --> 23:13.333
Would you start a surgery
with a face like that?

23:14.083 --> 23:15.208
-No!
-No.

23:15.709 --> 23:17.291
You would relax.

23:21.709 --> 23:23.542
[ Exhales deeply ]

23:36.709 --> 23:39.250
[ Laughs ]

23:40.834 --> 23:42.000
It hasn't been that long.

23:42.500 --> 23:44.417
Maybe we could decrease
sedation a bit further,

23:44.500 --> 23:45.750
at least run another ABG.

23:45.834 --> 23:47.333
And hope she doesn't go
into cardiac arrest

23:47.417 --> 23:48.667
while we wait for the results?

23:49.542 --> 23:51.208
I'm turning the settings back up.

23:51.625 --> 23:53.417
[ Machine beeping ]

23:53.500 --> 23:55.083
Grey's staying on the vent.

24:08.000 --> 24:09.333
How's the book report coming?

24:11.208 --> 24:13.542
That was one of my favorites.

24:13.625 --> 24:15.083
That's what grownups say to convince you

24:15.166 --> 24:16.291
to finish your homework.

24:16.709 --> 24:17.875
You got me there.

24:18.959 --> 24:21.709
I'm supposed to write a whole
page about living forever.

24:21.792 --> 24:24.834
Mom says it's impossible.
So what's the point?

24:24.917 --> 24:26.917
Your mom is pretty smart.

24:28.458 --> 24:29.959
[ Sighs ]

24:30.041 --> 24:32.834
If I made a medicine
where you could live forever,

24:32.917 --> 24:34.250
would you take it?

24:34.333 --> 24:35.709
I don't know.

24:35.792 --> 24:37.125
Uncle Link said, "Heck yeah."

24:37.208 --> 24:38.875
[ Chuckles ] That sounds like him.

24:39.917 --> 24:41.750
Me, I don't know.

24:41.834 --> 24:45.250
I think the fact
that we can't live forever

24:46.417 --> 24:48.959
is one of the things
that makes life so special.

24:49.792 --> 24:51.000
Impermanence.

24:51.125 --> 24:52.959
I think if we could live forever,

24:53.041 --> 24:55.500
we'd spend so much time
losing the people that we love

24:55.583 --> 24:57.542
instead of holding tight
while we still can.

24:57.792 --> 24:59.417
Impermanence.

24:59.917 --> 25:01.083
I like that word.

25:01.208 --> 25:02.625
Me too.

25:02.875 --> 25:05.959
If I had the medicine,
I'd give it to my mom right now.

25:06.667 --> 25:08.125
Me too.

25:10.208 --> 25:11.500
Hey, you want to call her?

25:12.208 --> 25:13.500
All right.

25:14.375 --> 25:16.458
[ Tablet ringing ]

25:16.542 --> 25:18.250
[ Monitor beeping ]

25:19.583 --> 25:20.583
[ Tablet chimes ]

25:20.667 --> 25:21.750
Hello there.

25:21.834 --> 25:22.875
Can we have a minute?

25:22.959 --> 25:23.917
Of course.

25:25.792 --> 25:29.000
Hi, Mommy. I miss you so much.

25:29.083 --> 25:30.583
I love you.

25:30.834 --> 25:34.792
Um, I've been writing
a page about living forever.

25:36.041 --> 25:37.625
How are you doing?

25:37.834 --> 25:39.250
It didn't work?

25:39.333 --> 25:41.375
Altman wants to try again in a day or so.

25:43.500 --> 25:45.333
[ Sighs ]

25:47.083 --> 25:49.000
When I lost my wife, um...

25:51.250 --> 25:52.750
...the therapist, she said that

25:52.834 --> 25:56.208
there's no wrong way to process the loss,

25:56.458 --> 25:57.917
the grief.

25:59.834 --> 26:01.417
But there is.

26:03.041 --> 26:05.125
Over a bloody computer screen, it's...

26:07.208 --> 26:08.333
...it's wrong.

26:09.041 --> 26:10.583
Woman on P.A.: Dr. Lyon,
call the blood bank.

26:10.667 --> 26:13.208
Dr. Lyon, call the blood bank.

26:13.291 --> 26:14.291
[ Clears throat ]

26:15.750 --> 26:17.083
Ohh! Oh!

26:17.166 --> 26:20.625
You know the rules. Who deserves it?

26:20.709 --> 26:22.500
-Deserves what? Rules to what?
-"Make it Sadder."

26:22.583 --> 26:24.458
We tell our sob stories,

26:24.542 --> 26:28.166
and whosever story is saddest
wins the last shot.

26:28.250 --> 26:29.542
"Make it Sadder"? That's fun?

26:29.625 --> 26:31.000
-[ Laughs ]
-Yeah. Oh, yeah.

26:31.083 --> 26:32.709
Okay. All right. I'll be the judge.

26:32.792 --> 26:33.792
-I'll be the judge. All right, go.
-Okay.

26:33.875 --> 26:35.208
-All right.
-[ Clears throat ]

26:35.291 --> 26:38.583
I am currently raising four children

26:38.667 --> 26:40.875
in a hellscape of a world

26:40.959 --> 26:42.625
where people don't listen to science.

26:42.709 --> 26:45.458
My parents are going ahead
with their second wedding

26:45.667 --> 26:47.125
even though there's a pandemic,

26:47.208 --> 26:48.542
so they'll probably get sick and die.

26:48.917 --> 26:52.125
And, uh, my last shred of me-time --

26:52.250 --> 26:53.583
sneaking an occasional drink,

26:53.667 --> 26:55.083
which was already pretty pathetic,

26:55.166 --> 26:58.667
I know -- is now ruined.

26:58.750 --> 27:00.834
-Strong.
-Yeah. All right.

27:01.083 --> 27:06.542
I had plans the weekend
that everything shut down.

27:06.625 --> 27:08.834
I had crawled out of my depression,

27:08.917 --> 27:12.834
and I was all set to start over by...

27:12.917 --> 27:13.834
going...

27:13.917 --> 27:15.583
[ Laughing ]

27:15.667 --> 27:18.458
...going on dates.

27:18.542 --> 27:19.709
-Oh, yeah.
-Aww!

27:19.792 --> 27:21.375
Okay, yes, yes.

27:21.458 --> 27:24.166
You guys, I even bought outfits, okay?

27:24.250 --> 27:27.500
-Hang on. Okay. Ah! Okay.
-All right.

27:27.583 --> 27:29.542
Let me show you.

27:29.625 --> 27:32.667
What do we have? Oh, this is cute, right?

27:32.750 --> 27:35.500
The perfect thing
to declare someone dead in.

27:36.583 --> 27:37.792
Oh, what about this?

27:37.875 --> 27:39.750
This, for the, um, career girl

27:39.834 --> 27:42.291
that just spent, um, seven hours

27:42.375 --> 27:44.875
making more room for bodies
on the morgue truck.

27:44.959 --> 27:46.834
Or -- [ Laughing ] Or...

27:46.917 --> 27:48.583
How about this?

27:48.667 --> 27:52.792
This, for -- for
the funeral of a co-worker

27:52.875 --> 27:54.542
who got stabbed to death...

27:55.917 --> 27:59.291
who doesn't even get a funeral.

28:04.625 --> 28:07.000
Okay, Jo wins the last shot.

28:09.333 --> 28:10.709
No, no!

28:10.792 --> 28:11.917
-Yes.
-No way. Unh-unh.

28:12.000 --> 28:13.375
-Unh-unh.
-Thank you so much.

28:13.458 --> 28:17.000
She has an entire loft all to herself!

28:17.083 --> 28:18.083
-Mnh-mnh.
-[ Scoffs, laughs ]

28:18.166 --> 28:19.417
[ Cellphone vibrating, chiming ]

28:19.500 --> 28:20.542
-Hold on.
-Ahh!

28:20.625 --> 28:22.834
-[ Cellphone chiming ]
-What's that?

28:22.917 --> 28:23.875
It's Richard.

28:23.959 --> 28:25.792
The memorial for DeLuca is tonight.

28:25.875 --> 28:27.041
[ Sighs ]

28:28.542 --> 28:30.166
All right, I'll drive.

28:30.250 --> 28:32.542
Let's, um, get ready.

28:34.000 --> 28:35.458
Woman on P.A.: Orderly to 6 East.

28:35.542 --> 28:37.709
[ Indistinct conversations ]

28:55.041 --> 28:57.458
Hey. Uh, just moved Mr. Cabrera up here.

28:57.542 --> 28:58.583
Another complete white-out.

28:58.667 --> 28:59.542
How's Meredith?

28:59.625 --> 29:00.917
Um, uh...

29:01.875 --> 29:03.208
It -- It didn't work.

29:03.667 --> 29:05.750
And I'm questioning
why I even thought it would.

29:06.125 --> 29:08.750
Well, DeLuca's autopsy results came back.

29:08.834 --> 29:10.500
We did everything that we could.

29:10.583 --> 29:12.083
I know that.

29:14.000 --> 29:15.333
And he's still dead.

29:23.792 --> 29:25.583
[ Monitor beeping softly ]

29:27.959 --> 29:30.041
Hayes: Your kids call every day
on a video chat.

29:30.834 --> 29:32.333
Don't know if you can hear them.

29:34.583 --> 29:36.041
[ Echoing ] Don't even know
if you can hear me now.

29:36.125 --> 29:39.500
♪ There's a million things ♪

29:39.583 --> 29:40.875
You look perfect.

29:41.333 --> 29:45.250
♪ I can't control ♪

29:45.583 --> 29:47.000
Hayes: [ Echoing ] Maybe -- Maybe

29:47.083 --> 29:48.959
it's none of my business, Grey,

29:49.041 --> 29:50.667
but I'm begging you.

29:51.083 --> 29:52.500
Fight.

29:52.583 --> 29:55.125
♪ There is one thing that I know ♪

29:55.208 --> 29:56.458
Derek: That's up to you.

29:57.208 --> 29:58.375
But if you're asking me,

29:59.041 --> 30:00.333
you should hear him out.

30:00.417 --> 30:01.834
Hayes: [ Echoing ] They need you, Grey.

30:01.917 --> 30:03.417
The little one...

30:03.500 --> 30:05.625
-Meredith: Ellis.
-She looks just like you.

30:05.709 --> 30:07.709
She got all your expressions.

30:07.792 --> 30:09.166
She doesn't smile easy or often,

30:09.250 --> 30:12.417
but when she does, sweet Jesus,
it lights up the room.

30:12.500 --> 30:14.375
What did you do to make her smile?

30:14.458 --> 30:15.458
You shoulda seen it --

30:15.542 --> 30:17.041
she smiles and she smiles,

30:17.125 --> 30:19.750
-and it gets bigger and bigger until...
-[ Snaps fingers ]

30:19.834 --> 30:21.709
boom! -- she just bursts out laughing.

30:22.166 --> 30:24.250
What did you do to make her laugh?

30:24.333 --> 30:26.542
Then her brother gets annoyed
because she's laughing so hard

30:26.625 --> 30:27.625
right in his ear.

30:27.709 --> 30:28.834
That's Bailey.

30:28.917 --> 30:30.083
And then the oldest one comes in,

30:30.166 --> 30:32.709
and she takes their tablets
and says they're hogging it

30:32.792 --> 30:34.375
and that she needs time with you, too,

30:34.458 --> 30:37.792
because she's the oldest
and she's your favorite.

30:37.875 --> 30:39.834
Zola.

30:39.917 --> 30:43.000
Then I hear a click and a lock,
but we're in darkness.

30:43.166 --> 30:45.583
Can't tell who has it,
'cause I can't see a face.

30:45.834 --> 30:49.166
But then I hear a voice,
and it's the oldest one.

30:49.834 --> 30:51.959
And she's sittin' in the dark.

30:52.166 --> 30:53.709
She's in her closet.

30:53.792 --> 30:56.291
That's where she goes
to write letters to her dad.

30:56.792 --> 30:59.542
And she says, "I'm really sorry, Mum.

30:59.625 --> 31:01.375
Didn't mean for things to get so violent.

31:01.750 --> 31:04.625
Ellis can be truly infuriating."

31:04.709 --> 31:06.083
[ Chuckles ]

31:06.792 --> 31:07.959
They need you, Grey.

31:09.000 --> 31:10.041
I know.

31:10.166 --> 31:11.750
They need you to fight.

31:11.834 --> 31:15.709
♪ My thoughts don't drift ♪

31:15.792 --> 31:17.166
♪ When you're around ♪

31:17.250 --> 31:18.792
We all need you to fight.

31:20.041 --> 31:21.709
I don't know that I can.

31:22.875 --> 31:25.709
It's...so warm here.

31:26.041 --> 31:28.083
The water is so cool.

31:28.792 --> 31:30.417
I feel so relaxed.

31:30.500 --> 31:31.709
And there's no pain.

31:31.792 --> 31:33.875
Hayes: I watched my kids lose their mum.

31:33.959 --> 31:35.750
[ Echoing ] You don't want
that for your kids, Grey.

31:35.834 --> 31:37.583
There are people getting better
here every day.

31:37.667 --> 31:40.208
You could be one of those people.

31:40.291 --> 31:42.333
♪ Nothing is forever ♪

31:42.417 --> 31:44.333
I believe that you could.

31:44.417 --> 31:46.083
'Cause I've heard the stories
about other fights

31:46.166 --> 31:47.458
you've already won, so...

31:48.875 --> 31:51.500
So I'm asking you to fight.

31:51.583 --> 31:52.667
♪ You're my anchor in the ocean ♪

31:52.750 --> 31:54.125
[ Echoing ] You fight, Grey.

31:54.333 --> 31:56.083
♪ Tides will change,
the sea can't help it ♪

31:56.166 --> 31:57.458
Derek: It's okay.

31:57.542 --> 31:59.041
I'll be right here.

31:59.291 --> 32:01.667
♪ Nothing is forever ♪

32:01.750 --> 32:07.667
♪ When it feels like
I'm in constant motion ♪

32:07.750 --> 32:13.417
♪ You're my anchor in the ocean ♪

32:15.333 --> 32:18.333
[ Monitor beeping ]

32:33.959 --> 32:36.041
Dr. Webber set something up for DeLuca.

32:37.208 --> 32:38.333
A memorial.

32:43.583 --> 32:44.917
[ Sniffles ]

32:46.750 --> 32:48.041
I'm not a great Jew.

32:50.583 --> 32:53.041
I cheated at my bar mitzvah.

32:53.625 --> 32:57.917
I was too busy trying
to ignore Lenny Rapkin's shins

32:58.000 --> 32:59.625
that I didn't learn Hebrew,

32:59.709 --> 33:00.917
so I just wrote it out phonetically

33:01.000 --> 33:02.125
and read that instead.

33:03.041 --> 33:07.000
I skip half the High Holy Days
and repent for it at Yom Kippur.

33:07.083 --> 33:08.542
And if I'm honest, I...

33:09.333 --> 33:11.250
go back and forth about believing in God,

33:11.333 --> 33:13.375
which is actually very Jewish, but...

33:14.500 --> 33:17.125
It's the traditions that I find helpful.

33:18.917 --> 33:20.750
When a loved one dies, we have...

33:22.125 --> 33:24.875
rules about how to grieve and move on.

33:25.750 --> 33:26.917
Protocols.

33:27.834 --> 33:31.500
We force ourselves to sit in the pain.

33:32.333 --> 33:33.417
We cry.

33:35.166 --> 33:36.750
And we laugh. [ Chuckles ]

33:36.834 --> 33:38.500
And we eat a lot.

33:39.542 --> 33:41.709
And it doesn't bring the person back,

33:43.333 --> 33:45.291
but it does start the healing.

33:49.792 --> 33:51.208
Chief, your mom died.

33:55.875 --> 33:57.166
My mom makes me crazy,

33:57.250 --> 33:59.542
but I'm gonna fall apart when she dies.

34:00.166 --> 34:03.083
And you have people you can be with.

34:05.125 --> 34:09.583
People who love you and miss you
and need to grieve with you.

34:11.625 --> 34:13.709
This pandemic has taken so much.

34:15.959 --> 34:17.500
Don't give it that, too.

34:18.917 --> 34:21.583
♪ There's a light ♪

34:24.125 --> 34:27.041
♪ A certain kind of light ♪

34:27.125 --> 34:29.166
[ Taryn sighs ]

34:29.250 --> 34:32.333
♪ It's never shone on me ♪

34:34.291 --> 34:35.709
Maggie: Hey.

34:36.083 --> 34:37.875
Oh, sorry.

34:37.959 --> 34:40.709
Um, I'm about to head back in
to check on Mr. Gibbis.

34:40.792 --> 34:42.291
He's sedated and stable.

34:42.959 --> 34:44.458
You gonna go to the memorial?

34:45.750 --> 34:47.834
I thought bad things about him.

34:49.125 --> 34:54.458
When he was sick, I thought,
"Great, more surgeries for me."

34:54.542 --> 34:56.500
I had no compassion.

34:56.583 --> 34:58.750
And now he's just...

34:58.834 --> 34:59.709
dead.

35:00.208 --> 35:01.291
And we can't hug.

35:01.375 --> 35:03.250
And as a rule, I hate hugs, but...

35:04.208 --> 35:06.000
♪ What good does... ♪

35:06.083 --> 35:08.458
...I haven't physically touched
anyone without gloves

35:08.542 --> 35:09.875
in over two months,

35:09.959 --> 35:13.583
and I-I feel like
I'm turning into that patient.

35:13.667 --> 35:15.250
Another week of this and...

35:15.333 --> 35:17.792
I'll be running through
the hospital naked.

35:17.875 --> 35:18.792
♪ You don’t know what it’s like ♪

35:18.875 --> 35:19.750
Stand up.

35:21.250 --> 35:22.291
And turn around.

35:22.959 --> 35:23.959
I'm sorry?

35:24.041 --> 35:25.125
Just trust me.

35:26.542 --> 35:27.625
[ Sighs ]

35:28.500 --> 35:30.458
♪ To love somebody ♪

35:30.750 --> 35:31.917
[ Chuckles ]

35:32.083 --> 35:34.125
♪ To love somebody ♪

35:35.417 --> 35:37.917
♪ The way I love you ♪

35:41.417 --> 35:42.583
[ Sobs ]

35:43.417 --> 35:47.458
♪ You don't know what it's like ♪

35:48.041 --> 35:49.375
[ Breathes deeply ]

35:49.458 --> 35:50.792
Thank you.

35:51.542 --> 35:53.750
♪ Baby, you don't know what it's like ♪

35:53.834 --> 35:54.959
[ Sniffles ]

35:55.041 --> 35:56.375
Zander: Spread out, please.

35:56.458 --> 35:59.166
We may be outside, but we still
need to maintain our distance.

35:59.875 --> 36:02.125
♪ To love somebody ♪

36:03.083 --> 36:06.125
♪ The way I love you ♪

36:07.750 --> 36:10.166
[ Gearshift clicks ]

36:10.959 --> 36:13.000
[ Vehicle doors open ]

36:17.083 --> 36:19.959
♪ The way I love you ♪

36:20.959 --> 36:22.667
[ Engine starts ]

36:25.458 --> 36:26.542
Richard.

36:27.750 --> 36:28.917
I'm...

36:29.375 --> 36:32.125
I need to take some time off.

36:32.208 --> 36:33.583
I'm not sure how long.

36:33.667 --> 36:35.542
But I-I need to go home.

36:35.625 --> 36:37.875
However long you need.

36:40.875 --> 36:44.208
Everybody, can I have
your attention, please?

36:45.375 --> 36:46.417
Thank you.

36:47.542 --> 36:49.834
I appreciate you all being here tonight.

36:51.000 --> 36:53.500
Grey-Sloan is a family.

36:54.333 --> 36:57.500
And Andrew DeLuca
was a member of that family.

36:57.583 --> 36:59.792
And his death, however brave...

37:01.417 --> 37:03.333
Well, it's still heartbreaking.

37:03.417 --> 37:07.458
We can't honor his life
like we might have in the past,

37:08.709 --> 37:10.709
but we can still honor him.

37:13.041 --> 37:14.458
Dr. Perez?

37:15.208 --> 37:21.083
♪ There is a man, he runs right to me ♪

37:21.166 --> 37:26.208
♪ He wraps his loving arms around me ♪

37:26.291 --> 37:28.333
♪ He knows ♪

37:30.542 --> 37:32.917
♪ He knows my pain ♪

37:33.000 --> 37:35.709
♪ Oh, he knows my pain ♪

37:35.792 --> 37:38.375
♪ Oh, he gives me life ♪

37:38.625 --> 37:42.875
♪ And I don't know if that is for me ♪

37:42.959 --> 37:48.083
♪ It's darker than I thought,
in all its broken glory ♪

37:48.166 --> 37:50.208
♪ My soul ♪

37:52.709 --> 37:54.709
♪ Just wants to go home ♪

37:55.709 --> 37:58.041
♪ He's calling me home ♪

38:00.709 --> 38:03.750
[ Fingers snapping rhythmically, humming ]

38:21.959 --> 38:24.750
♪ And there was a light ♪

38:24.834 --> 38:27.250
♪ Oh, there was a fire ♪

38:27.333 --> 38:29.917
♪ She came through in the night ♪

38:30.000 --> 38:32.792
♪ She entered like an angel ♪

38:32.875 --> 38:34.500
♪ Hold on ♪

38:38.333 --> 38:40.000
♪ Hold on ♪

38:40.166 --> 38:43.291
♪ She's just memories ♪

38:48.875 --> 38:51.417
-[ Crying ]
-DeLuca: Hello.

38:51.500 --> 38:54.083
Uh, my name is Andrew DeLuca,
and I'm thrilled to be

38:54.166 --> 38:56.208
applying to the surgical residency program

38:56.291 --> 38:58.875
at Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital.

38:58.959 --> 39:00.291
A bit about me.

39:00.375 --> 39:03.041
I am Italian, but I grew up in Wisconsin.

39:03.125 --> 39:04.667
A lot of doctors in my family,

39:04.750 --> 39:06.542
including my big sister, Carina.

39:06.625 --> 39:08.792
Um, I grew up stealing
her game of Operation,

39:08.875 --> 39:10.834
so I guess you can say
it's, uh, been a dream of mine

39:10.917 --> 39:12.750
for a very long time. [ Chuckles ]

39:12.834 --> 39:15.792
The idea of doing my training
at Grey-Sloan

39:15.875 --> 39:17.917
and -- and learning from surgical legends

39:18.000 --> 39:20.333
like Richard Webber and Miranda Bailey

39:20.417 --> 39:23.625
and Jackson Avery and Meredith Grey...

39:23.709 --> 39:26.750
uh, well, it just doesn't
get any better than that.

39:26.875 --> 39:29.166
I think the reason I want to
become a surgeon

39:29.250 --> 39:31.125
is that [sighs] I've always had

39:31.208 --> 39:33.834
this insatiable desire to help people.

39:33.917 --> 39:37.625
And I think I get that from
my mom, who I lost too soon.

39:37.709 --> 39:39.583
And, uh, she had this really giving heart,

39:39.667 --> 39:42.208
and she always pushed me
to do as much good as possible,

39:42.291 --> 39:44.959
so I guess I'm doing this for her.

39:45.625 --> 39:46.875
Now, you should be warned,

39:46.959 --> 39:49.834
I can be relentless at times,
and very stubborn.

39:49.917 --> 39:55.125
But I promise that, if I match with you...

39:55.208 --> 39:57.208
[ Speaking Italian ]

39:57.542 --> 39:59.709
I will give you the very best of me.

40:00.208 --> 40:01.417
Thank you.

40:02.291 --> 40:03.709
All right.

40:13.709 --> 40:15.500
Meredith: At all costs,

40:15.583 --> 40:18.458
we avoid negative experiences.

40:31.041 --> 40:32.458
We ignore pain.

40:38.750 --> 40:41.166
We steer clear of the unfamiliar.

40:41.542 --> 40:43.709
We lie when asked about how we feel.

40:43.792 --> 40:45.250
[ Both laughing ]

40:45.333 --> 40:47.208
♪ Steady as a rock ♪

40:47.291 --> 40:50.291
♪ I stand, I wait ♪

40:50.375 --> 40:52.291
We shouldn't do that.

40:53.959 --> 40:55.125
[ Sighs ]

40:55.208 --> 40:57.375
I stopped by the hospital for, um...

40:57.709 --> 40:59.125
I watched.

40:59.458 --> 41:01.542
♪ But eyes that can't erase ♪

41:01.625 --> 41:03.125
[ Sighs ]

41:03.208 --> 41:05.291
I won't keep booze in the house anymore.

41:05.375 --> 41:07.083
That's not what I need from you.

41:07.166 --> 41:09.333
♪ Hands that hold ♪

41:09.417 --> 41:13.125
What I need from you is no more secrets.

41:13.208 --> 41:16.083
It's just -- we have this baby together.

41:17.625 --> 41:20.458
We have this whole life together, so...

41:20.542 --> 41:22.583
I want to really know you.

41:24.208 --> 41:25.208
Deal.

41:27.417 --> 41:29.917
I reek of whiskey right now,
or I would hug you.

41:30.417 --> 41:32.250
I will hold my breath.

41:32.333 --> 41:35.500
♪ Ohhh ♪

41:39.208 --> 41:42.000
♪ So, send me into space ♪

41:42.083 --> 41:44.959
♪ And cut me free ♪

41:45.083 --> 41:47.125
Meredith: Because I've learned something
from these last several months.

41:47.208 --> 41:48.291
Teddy?

41:50.458 --> 41:52.542
♪ And like a satellite ♪

41:52.625 --> 41:53.917
Hey.

41:54.000 --> 41:56.750
♪ Just look for me ♪

41:56.834 --> 41:58.250
Teddy.

42:01.542 --> 42:02.917
I'm gonna take you home, okay?

42:04.792 --> 42:06.000
Okay.

42:14.959 --> 42:17.250
Meredith: The body can only take so much.

42:28.834 --> 42:32.000
[ Closing theme music playing ]